My Son Came Out at 8: A Therapist’s Plea for Kindness This Pride Month
On Pride & Parenting
My Son Came Out at 8: A Therapist’s Plea for Kindness This Pride Month
It’s June and the start of Pride month. Unfortunately, with the excitement of the upcoming Pride festivities, there is also the dark cloud of anti-LGBTQIA2S+ policies and hate-fueled restrictions that have been passed both at the state and federal levels. As a social worker, I stand by the National Association of Social Workers (NASW) Code of Ethics, which condemns discrimination against LGBTQIA2S+ individuals. As a proud Mama Bear of an openly gay and gender-fluid child, I stand by and unconditionally love my child and their right to be (in their words) “the diva I am meant to be.”
My son came out when he was 8 years old. I remember him being nervous and telling me he had a secret he didn’t want to share. Immediately, I knew. I think I asked him if he was gay, and he made a kind of shocked face, which took me by surprise because I didn’t think he would ever feel nervous sharing this kind of thing with me. However, I understand that hesitation given all the horrible things he has probably heard said about gay people. His fear quickly turned to exuberance as he told me he had an epiphany while at art camp that day. He asked me to keep it to myself for a bit, but he has no filter and immediately began telling others, expecting the same acceptance. Instead, we both heard a lot of “he is too young to know if he is gay” or “it’s just a phase, and he will grow out of it”. By the way, I can confirm he is still happily gay three years later.
So you would be okay if I said your child is too young to know they are straight? Or that being straight is just a phase?
As a therapist, I meet both kids and adults who are not met with love and acceptance when they come out. Instead, they are met with anger or fear. I do understand why some family members are fearful, because I would be lying if I said I wasn’t concerned about my son’s safety in a state that tends to condemn anybody who is different. My son is a big kid, but he has still endured bullying and isolation at school. Not just from kids, but also teachers, and other parents.
I should add that he also has autism, which I will discuss in an upcoming blog. Interesting fact: research shows that autistic people have a significantly higher rate of being LGBTQIA+ and gender diverse. A large University of Cambridge study found that gender-diverse people are several times more likely to be autistic than cisgender people. And LGBTQIA+ people with autism face higher rates of anxiety, depression, and suicide. The Trevor Project found that LGBTQ youth with an autism diagnosis had over 50% greater odds of attempting suicide in the past year than LGBTQ youth without one.
This is where you, the reader, come in. This is serious. This is something you can help change. I am not asking you to attend Pride or hang a rainbow flag. I am asking you to think about the things you say and do and how they affect others. I am asking you to remember the long-term repercussions and pain you cause when you discriminate against somebody because they are LGBTQIA2S+. Please be respectful. Please be kind.
There are lives, including my son’s life, that depend on it.
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Michi Medley, LMSW, A-CAS is a therapist at Ala Therapy Collective specializing in LGBTQIA+ affirming care, autism and neurodivergence, chronic illness, and trauma. An Advanced Certified Autism Specialist with trauma-informed ABA training, she draws on lived experience with autoimmune illness, caregiving, and being a child of alcoholism to meet clients with calm, often lighthearted honesty. She works with tweens, teens, and adults, and offers virtual sessions across Oklahoma.
